Stand

In the relentless synaptic mesh of ganglionic velcro that is my brain, a big, jumbled hodge-podge of old TV series runs constantly.

As my buddy Dan relates: "I don't have memories, I have reruns."

What this means is that I see the world through the same eyes that watched Tasha Yar get flung around by a tar monster, the eyes that watched one last brave man begging for his fellow adults to take the opportunity to smash little Bill Mumy's head in before he got wished to the cornfield, and the same eyes that saw who killed Laura Palmer.

All of this build-up is really just to acclamate you to the fact that I was wondering which the first Windows OS was that included native support for reading and creating .ZIP archive files. XP? Windows 2000?

Windows 2000. Even just a few steps into the 21st century, it seems so bizarre to call it that. It's like the title to an episode of "Get a Life".

But what do I really think of when I hear that not-so-familiar form, that great revenant mystery, that phrase, "Windows 2000"?

"VR 5".

"Windows 2000." "I can smell the pepperoni!"

What were they thinking when they called it that? They probably had the theme song to "Get a Life" stuck in their heads and it seemed like a good idea.