MSN Careers - Eight Signs Your Job is Doomed

MSN reports on 8 signs your job is doomed:

1. You've been cut out of the loop.

I got news for ya, pal: I was never in a loop. People here will be given a choice in March, keep it mum until August, make a decision that Monday, and expect me to work my magic by Tuesday morning. I usually end up getting the phone call late Monday afternoon. There are no loops here. When we try to make them, people will just spontaneously change their minds. Plans get fucked over by individuals-in-power all the time.

2. You are losing responsibilities.

Quite the contrary. I'm responsible for more now than ever in the past. All that remains is for me to physically merge with the equipment here and my transformation will be complete. I realize now why some people get tattoos of wires sticking out of their bodies. I enjoy prison art because I identify with the themes of confinement, restriction, and the desire for freedom.

3. Your job title has been changed, and it's not an upward move.

Bull's eye. In five years, I've been a technician, a specialist, and two kinds of manager. I still do all the exact same stuff I did when I started. "Upward" is not as accurate as "outward, amorphously, and without ever relinquishing a space once I've touched it". This is not voluntary.

4. Times are tough at your company.

Bull's eye.

5. You are suddenly being micro-managed.

If anyone ever tries to micro-manage me, they will witness a display of passive-aggression the likes of which would make Mohandas Gandhi say "Whoa. Dude. Seriously. WTF?"

6. You have received one or more negative reviews.

The only negative part of my review this year was that I was deemed "needs improvement on" my communication skills. Oh, yeah, and they didn't give me a raise. I thought that was pretty negative.

7. The company is "reorganizing."

It's like you read my mind. And by "my mind", I mean The Plain Dealer article that offended me outrageously.

8. You just haven't been performing.

I just haven't been caring, is that the same thing? Not to brag too much here, but I could do half my job duties with my eyes closed. From home. Whilst nursing wounds from major oral surgery. In fact, I have. But I'd really rather not. Is that the same thing? Should someone fresh off a four-tooth extraction really have to go to work later that week? Or talk down his boss over the phone every day?

It looks as though I'll have my job until I die or they find someone better.

And trust me, they will never find someone better.