Denial

Denial, simply, is the unwillingness to accept. It follows naturally, then, that this would be the first stage of grief. It is the rejection of change, and is a natural component of that most comfortable of states: complacency. When change promises unhappiness, denial is born.

I tried to find a song about denial, but the simple fact is that true denial is the refusal to acknowledge a problem exists. Songs are usually written about something specific: a girl, a car, or how amazing the singer Pink is, not about how everything is just hunky-dorey and nothing at all is wrong. I settled upon the next best thing: instead of denial as a deliberate ignorance of a change, numerous songs exist that reflect denial as a deliberate wish to avoid change. This is the difference between saying "I don't think this is so" and "I don't want this to be so". So I started looking for songs about conscious denial, and there are frankly very few good songs on the subject. Terminal illness just doesn't make for a good beat you can dance to. Songs about death usually turn out to be songs about love in one form or another. I am reminded of Love Story, a self-described tale of "a 25-year-old girl who died" with a theme song that asks "where do I begin to tell the tale of how great love can be?" The fact that Ryan O'Neal ends up alone doesn't really come to bear, at least musically. Songs about dying are rare, and the ones that exist are usually about coming to terms with it.

Where are the good songs about disbelief? Songs about loss are, ultimately, songs about love, and there is a veritable mountain of songs about love, even if its the death of love. At this point, the idea of a song about denial had instead become a search for a song about a failed relationship, which, though plentiful, is a base simulacrum of the original premise.

But what is denial, if it isn't an unwillingness to accept change? I'd hate to say one kind of denial is OK but another kind isn't. Disbelief is highly contingent on what beliefs are being challenged, and it is not my place to say what form of denial is right and what form is wrong. Denial is a coping mechanism, whether it be in regards to love, or death, or a stolen car. It makes no difference, they are all forms of rejection. So what is the best song about rejection? Not being rejected, per se, but an actual statement of "I don't want to admit that the end is nigh." I gave consideration to several works, and ultimately chose the following. Hope you enjoy.

"I Don't Want to Get Over You", The Magnetic Fields

I don't want to get over you
I guess I could take a sleeping pill and sleep at will
And not have to go through what I go through

I guess I should take Prozac, right, and just smile all night
At somebody new, somebody not too bright but sweet and kind
Who would try to get you off my mind
I could leave this agony behind
Which is just what I'd do, if I wanted to
But I don't want to get over you

'Cause I don't want to get over love
I could listen to my therapist, pretend you don't exist
And not have to dream of what I dream of
I could listen to all my friends and go out again
And pretend it's enough

Or I could make a career of being blue
I could dress in black and read Camus
Smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth
Like I was seventeen, that would be a scream
But I don't want to get over you