Dear Library Fuckers

Dear Library Fuckers,

Stop writing notes in the margins of books you don't own. Stop underlining really important sentences. You are not being helpful. You are not leaving a delightful message in a bottle that all future readers will treasure for the rest of time.

If you jot your moronic thoughts in pencil, I will erase them. If you jot them down in pen, you've permanently ruined a valuable resource that was never yours to begin with. If I ever meet you in person, I will beat you until someone pulls me off of your body and drags me, kicking and screaming, to the car.