Juicin'

In order to pass my seventh-grade standardized tests, I felt it beneficial to pop some capsules of ginko-biloba that I'd procured at the local GNC. This drug, I believed, would give me greater focus and enhance my mental powers.

In reality, it was probably unnecessary to boost my performance on a test that was otherwise unremarkable nor significant in any way, shape, or form. Nonetheless, it seems as though there are real performance-enhancing drugs out there that we don't bother to check for because the people who take them aren't Olympians. And these people will still derive benefit from popping pills. Sure, there are side effects, but that temptation to have godlike Juicer powers will always persist. Drug testing will, at some point, become so easy, and then commonplace, that it will be required for nearly all competitive activities.

Update: I like to think that Jonathan Coulton's I Feel Fantastic is a good companion piece to this article. He probably had a few ingestions of liquified caffeine before recording it, too.