Something Awful, Indeed

This election day, vote for Something Awful's own Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka for mayor of Silent Hill: "Simply put, the bloody, demonic horsy ride from hell is inappropriate for children of nearly every conceivable age. I tried cleaning up the blood from one of the rides there, but more blood continued to pour from its nose. Then it twisted its head to the side and its flaming red eyes stared into my soul, violating me and cataloging my every fear in both life and death. Overall, it wasn't nearly as fun as the log flume I rode at the carnival in Brahm. Also, their carnival has a store which sells a delicious treat known as 'cotton candy,' one I feel possesses significantly more selling power than Silent Hill's 'bloody demonic bunny doll filled with rotting flesh' snack."