Raymond Chen on Battery with a Folding Chair

Raymond Chen apparently disapproves of physically assaulting someone with a chair for cutting in line. He sarcastically comments on the recent $50 iBook riot:: "Because if somebody cuts in front of you in line, you are perfectly justified in assaulting them with a folding chair. That's one of the guiding principles this country was founded on."

You know what? Yes. There are rules, people, and they should be followed. Somehow, American society has eroded into a mush that tolerates petty anarchy. You know the types. Something that is against the rules, but just a little bit. A person ignores the 12 items or fewer sign at the supermarket. People in the parking lot driving up the down lane, or deliberately parking in two spaces. Paul Tyma calls these little niggling violations of order squirt-gun offenses. If somebody breaks the rules — but only a little bit — you squirt them with a squirt-gun. The objective is to start punishing these people — but only a little bit — because if they are not punished, they have no incentive to stop behaving poorly.

So what's the deal with the folding chair? Well in this case, waiting patiently in line was not happening and the guy probably didn't have a squirt-gun on him. Cutting in line was not a matter of paying for your food in five minutes or ten. It was either get a $50 iBook or don't. So you know what? This guy didn't want to get tricked out of his place in line by people who didn't feel like following the rules. He whacked people who were breaking the rules in an attempt to maintain fairness. He doesn't feel bad about it because he was only hitting those who had cut in line. I only feel bad that they lived. Think about it: would you cut in line if you knew the guy behind you was going to enforce the rules? What if you knew everyone in line would? That's what we call order. That's what we call civilization. Hitting people with a chair may seem harsh, but the alternative is chaos and anarchy. Bravo, Chair Man.