Depression

There is nowhere left to turn now: you cannot ignore it, you cannot fault it, and there is nothing in your power to change it. Depression is the period of time between when you acknowledge your impotence and when you feel OK with it. This is the hardest part. You feel miserable and absolutely nothing can cheer you up. Folks come by and offer perfunctory pep talks: "buck up", "hope you feel better". This type of social placebo is the worst. Nothing resolves depression other than personal strength. Some people take the easy route and fight depression with food or drugs. Some people fight it with sex — despite my best efforts I've never met these specific people. Others just check out: they live in their monogrammed bathrobes and cease to interact with anyone or anything. Depression might also be rather tame and result in a few days of feeling blue that don't directly impact regular social function.

But unlike anything else, depression is the longest-lasting of feelings. It haunts us for years after we claim to be over it, because depression is truth, raw and unmitigated: we are not as powerful as we think, and not nearly as powerful as we want to be. This kind of knowledge lives in the back of our minds and corrodes our sense of self. Depression is also hard to control, and it can linger for far longer than is comfortable. We can want to lift the storm clouds, but they will only go away on their own. It's a positive albeit painful place to be when you feel that your depression is ready to go even as it still remains. Healing cannot begin until you are ready, and as clichéd as it sounds, it is always darkest before the dawn.

"What It Takes", Aerosmith

There goes my old girlfriend, there's another diamond ring
And all those late-night promises, I guess they don't mean a thing
So baby what's the story, did you find another man
Is it easy to sleep in the bed that we made
When you don't look back I guess the feelings start to fade away
I used to feel your fire, but now it's cold inside
And you're back on the street like you didn't miss a beat

Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good
In your life to the toss of the dice
Tell me what it takes to let you go, yeah

Girl, before I met you I was F. I. N. E. fine
But your love made me a prisoner, yeah, my heart's been doing time
You spend me up like money, then you hung me out to dry
It was easy to keep all your lies in disguise
'Cause you had me in deep with the devil in your eyes

Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good
In your life to the toss of the dice
Tell me what it takes to let you go, guitar

Tell me that you're happy that you're on your own
Tell me that it's better when you're all alone
Tell me that your body doesn't miss my touch
Tell me that my loving didn't mean that much
Tell me you were lying when you prayed for me

Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good
In your life to the toss of the dice
Tell me who's to blame for thinking twice
No no no no no
'Cause I don't want to burn in paradise
I don't want to burn in paradise
I don't want to burn
I don't want to burn