Linux for the Cantankerous

I'm looking for a Linux distro that doesn't suck. Here are my requirements:

• Must easily install over a network from an FTP site using install floppies
• Must not install many unnecessary graphics packages because it is basically unusable without KDE or Gnome
• Must be able to function from and exclusively boot to a command prompt

So far, I've looked around and I haven't found a single distro that is as easy to set up as OpenBSD. Live CDs don't count, and I cannot believe of all the billions of distros out there, not one of them is lean, fast, unbloated, and capable of running as a server OS without making me tear out my proverbial hair.

What is a sysadmin to do?