Advice to Brides-To-Be

Here's a few tips for ladies who are going to be tying the knot soon.

• Try to stick to the old tradition of wearing "something borrowed, something blue".
• Picking your Maid of Honor is a tough choice. Try to be diplomatic with your decision.
• If you're going to get cold feet and want "some time alone", make sure your folks have a flattering last known photograph in case you choose to wander off without telling anyone and your damn fool mug winds up on the front page of CNN.com because everyone thinks you're a missing person sob story.
• When your family finds you after you've run away, be honest and try not to make up a story about how you were kidnapped. Police investigators have real crimes they need to solve, you pretentious bitch.
• Oh, and if the wedding gets called off because of the huge manhunt and waste of taxpayer money that you caused is such a showstopper between you and your man, that ring is so not yours to keep.