I Get These Questions All the Time

While triumphantly walking away from the third floor, I passed a woman who asked me a question that you would never be asked in any other line of work.

"Toby," she asked me, "does Windows 95 double-click?"

Now, I know what she meant. God help me, I knew exactly what she meant as soon as she said it and I wish that I didn't.

"Yes," I say. Because when asked that question, and not as a joke, I know from experience that any pithy comeback isn't going to be understood, let alone appreciated as a silly little off-the-cuff witticism.

Now come on. What would you have said?

• "No, but its mouse driver sure does!"
  
  
• "Only after I've had too much coffee."
  
  
• "Sure, but only after you upgrade it."
  
  
• "Not without rebooting first."
  
  
• "That depends. Do you have two mice?"
  
  
• "Yes, but if you do it too much it'll crash the OS."
  
  
• "The menus aren't helpful enough to be worth the effort."
  
  
• "I don't know. Do you double-click?"
  
  
• "It did, but Microsoft ended support for it last year."