I'm All Man, 100% Man

"i sweat male hormone
i drool male hormone
my tears are pure male hormone
when i exert myself i stink of testosterone"

Mark Leyner would be proud of this: The Year in Medicine - TIME: "In a study of 210 men and women, Duke University... found that women who slept poorly had elevated levels of several risk factors for heart disease and diabetes... but men who tossed and turned did not. The reason may have something to do with testosterone. Men who reported the most difficulty sleeping also had the highest levels of testosterone, which is known to reduce concentrations of heart-damaging inflammatory proteins."

High levels of testosterone lead to lots of things: aggressive behavior, elevated sex drive, angry outbursts, hair loss, muscle growth, and now this. It's a little bit awesome, I'll say. In lieu of ever getting a really solid night's rest, I'm at least inoculated from slowly killing myself the same way the ladies are. I think I'm going to celebrate this fact by shaving my face, voting for Woodrow Wilson, and then driving around for hours and never stopping to ask for directions.