What's Wrong with Descent 2

io9 presents a studio-drafted promotional blurb for Descent 2: "Distraught, confused and half-wild with fear, Sarah Carter emerges alone from the Appalachian cave system where she encountered unspeakable terrors. Unable to plausibly explain to the authorities what happened - or why she's covered in her friends' blood - Sarah is forced back to the subterranean depths to help locate her five missing companions."

I stopped reading after the word "emerges". Like Sarah, though, I was forced back into the rest of the paragraph. The irony of this is not lost on me.

Here's the snafu: The Descent was a really good film that does not warrant a sequel. We can happily and handily put "fucked up grrl power cave from The Descent" on the list of "been there, done that, never have to go back" places right along with church, high school, Silent Hill, and Detroit.

The first Descent movie didn't really scream "sequel" to me. In fact, one of the things I enjoyed most about it was the "doesn't leave room for a sequel" ending. I won't spoil it, but rest assured at no point does anybody in the first movie proudly exclaim "Now that we're free, we've got to re-assemble a crack team of spelunkers and go back in there for another two hours of nail-biting excitement!"

This sequel makes as much sense as the toy company in Child's Play deciding to spend the money to rebuild a generic plastic doll that costs them all of $10 to make originally from brand-new materials.

I own a copy of The Descent on DVD, and I'm sure that if I review it, at no point will I pause it and wonder aloud, "Hmmm. I think they could explore this dynamic a little bit further." I don't know or care where the cave dwellers come from or where they register to vote. The girls' story is played out entirely and we don't need any flashbacks to when they were in school and all started their periods together.

It's done. It's over. They all walk into a cave, cool shit happens, no one leaves, the end. Let it go.