Iowa: Full of Drunken, Adulterous Douchebags

The Des Moines Register: "A Carroll woman who was caught having sex in the men's room at an Iowa Hawkeye football game in Minneapolis last weekend says she'd had so much wine before kickoff that she doesn't remember walking into the restroom, the man she had sex with in a stall, or when the police opened the door. Feldman, a married mother of three, has been the target of Internet jokes and prank telephone calls today. 'I don't know what happened,' Lois Feldman said. 'But I don't deny that it did happen because obviously there are police reports.'"

Wow. Really, honey? You're not going to deny the incontrovertible evidence that says you're a slut? Good job. Is the entire population of Iowa so utterly bereft of any kind of moral compass whatsoever that a married mother of three can upend a bottle of char-dunn-ay and then leave her hubby at the ballgame to go fuck somebody else in the men's room at a sports arena?


"Feldman said her husband, Kelly, has been supportive. She said he faults himself for not going with her when she left her seat to use the restroom before halftime." It amazes me that the husband is so loyal that he's beating himself up because he didn't go with her. To the men's room. Where she started fucking somebody. Behind his back. What would he have done? Followed her? To the men's room or to the women's room, I wonder. Neither one is a particularly good place for him to be.

It gets better.

Slut Mom describes her behavior ex post facto: "Apparently I was panicked and very uncooperative." Given my previous experience with adulterous douchebags from Iowa, her initial reaction sounds spot on. She would also then launch into a laundry list of self-denial platitudes about how fucking other people is so uncharacteristic of her and that her marriage is too strong to let a little thing like infidelity get in the way.

"This is not me. We're a very good family. This shouldn't happen."

Ding! Fifty points to Douchendor House!

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